A quick and easy way to stop self-sabotage as it’s happening

Our inner saboteurs are linked to survival so we can use what’s happening in our bodies to recognise when they’ve hijacked us and make a change to stop them and be present to ourselves and our surroundings.

I’ve got a 2 step process for you:

  1. Recognise it’s happening. Whatever your usual ways of self-sabotage are, they all share something in common: they affect our bodies. They send us into fight, flight, fawn or freeze, which affects heart rate, adrenalin production, voice tone, and facial expressions. 

If your heart is racing, you have a dry mouth, and you’re agitated, or your heart rate is slow, you feel numb and your voice is flat, your inner saboteurs have put you into survival mode.

  1. Focus on your breath or one of your senses for at least 2 minutes. As you mindfully pay attention to your breath or a sense without judging, it brings your prefrontal cortex online, which means it’s easier for you to come out of survival mode and begin to be more present to yourself and your surroundings.

This is a quick fix to get you out of survival mode. The long term solution is healing your saboteurs by softening your relationship with them and the disowned parts of you they hide – self-compassion all the way! If you’d like help with this, reach out to me for your free 30 minute consultation. You’ll get some great insights and tips at the very least!

Love, Julia xxx

Free Your Mind and the Rest Will Follow

Some relationships can feel draining.

Yet we might choose to stay in them…

… perhaps they seem convenient…

… or we hope they will change.

They probably won’t. In this video I share what’s underlying those kinds of resistance and how amazing it feels to let them go… do pop a comment below to let me know your experiences of letting go of what no longer serves you :o)

Decluttering your life and your mind frees your energy and creativity!

Heal from past relationships with empathy for yourself

Recently I had to draw on all my self-compassion reserves and practises when I gave my lodger notice to move out and he behaved angrily towards me.

I could feel lots of child parts of me feeling hurt and that it was unfair so I was very careful to sit with them, rather than react to my lodger.

It wasn’t just child parts that were triggered – it was also parts of me from my 20s and 30s who needed to express and heal from relationships I’d ended and felt guilty about ending (as if it wasn’t my right to end them!).

I allowed it all to unfold, holding space for these parts to feel the feelings I couldn’t really feel back when they were traumatised. I also released a lot of shame and guilt that wasn’t mine, and some that was. 

It was not an easy process. In fact I felt great discomfort for a number of days. Inner work is not always lovely and light. It’s also about sitting with the darkness and allowing it to be just as it is so you can feel and process and love the hurts. 

I’m so grateful to my lodger for his angry reaction and the judgements he made that triggered these parts to bubble up. Whatever situations we find ourselves in are opportunities to heal and learn.

Once the processing finished I found I felt more whole, more authentic, which means I know myself more. From this space I set and maintain boundaries with greater ease. Does this make sense? Let me know in the comments :o)

I teach the techniques for this in my Sage and Saboteur Empathy Activation 3 Part Series program. It soon becomes second nature when you seize the opportunities to embrace your saboteurs (the parts of you that make you self-sabotage) and, more importantly, those hurt parts of you that need to express themselves for healing to take place.

Are you ready to be more whole, more authentic and set boundaries with greater ease? You can apply to take the Sage and Saboteur Empathy Activation program by booking your clarity call and we’ll see if it’s a good fit for you. Click the button below to apply.

Why is it so easy that I am love and I share love?

This is the question I am living in the energy of after a wonderful Akashic Records reading by the gorgeously gentle Glenda Barber.

In the reading I had a vision of really connecting to source energy and opening my heart, feeling unconditional love flow through me.

I saw a giant hand, big enough for me to step onto, so I did, and sat there in the palm, feeling awe. I slowly became aware that I was being looked at with awe too.

It was such an amazing feeling. Imagine looking at a magnificent sunset – one that is so beautiful it brings you to tears – and then becoming aware that the sunset is in awe of your beauty too.

I can’t unknow this feeling. And my mission now is to infuse even more love into everything I do. I am love and I share love.

This makes it even easier to be okay when there are people who have big “shoulds” judging me. I used to crumble when people judged me. Now I recognise it as their stuff.

It still affects me. My body needs to shake off the trauma of judgement and I can soothe the child parts that need reassurance.

The more we do the inner work of expanding self-compassion, the more easily we’re able to reset ourselves when we need to. We can recognise exactly what we need to do to care for ourselves and take those actions.

Living in the energy of a question is one of those ways of expanding self-compassion… Last night when I lay down to go to sleep, I repeated, “why is it so easy that I am love and I share love?” until I fell asleep.

I don’t need to answer this question. I just need to say it with curiosity and wonder as if it is already true. My subconscious can then get to work on answering the question by making my life reflect it. It might kick up some resistance, which I can release. It gives me actions I can take.

What question would you like to live in the energy of? It has to be something wonderful that you’d love in your live and phrase it as if it’s already happened. Then say the question repeatedly as you go to sleep, and take the actions that occur to you to propel you towards it.

Let me know in the comments what your question is so I can give it some love!

I’d love to help you feel more self-love – wouldn’t that be amazing? Feeling secure and confident? Let’s have a chat about how I can help – book your clarity call – I can’t wait to listen to you!

What’s your favourite way of playing?

This is an old notebook that I repurposed as a collage sketchbook. I love that it has no purpose other than for me to play. It will never be sold or exhibited. It is simply for me to stick things in and doodle on.

I very much enjoyed sticking and doodling yesterday. It’s been a while. I’d gotten into the habit of do, do, doing. This is, of course, self-sabotage. I call this particular saboteur the Hyper Achiever.

The Hyper Achiever saboteur, along with the Avoider saboteur, help me to avoid painful situations or emotions by constantly doing. I’ve made a tool to help you identify your top saboteurs (awareness is the first step to creating change): https://www.subscribepage.com/identifyyoursaboteurs.

I feel like there’s a lot of self-sabotage like this going on for a lot of people at the moment because of all the anxiety created by media messages of fear and judgement around Covid and what we should or shouldn’t be doing.

What helped me was stopping for a few days with a good friend. We played together. We made cacao and had ceremonies, leading into creative activities. It helped me unwind and reflect on where I was at.

I have a business that I love, but my boundaries had loosened around the hours I was putting in. I’m doing a Masters in Creative Psychotherapy and I had not been giving myself time to process from those sessions. Instead I was trying to tune out with TV. I was feeling unhappy about my living arrangement but because of all the other things, I hadn’t felt like there was time to sort that out.

It’s all about priorities and taking regular breaks to check in with myself and be, create, or whatever I need to do to be with myself authentically. So I started playing again. Giving myself space to play without purpose and it feels GREAT! And also to listen to the traumatised parts of me, but that’s another story I’ll tell you another time…

What’s your favourite way of playing? Leave me a comment below and let me know.

Love Julia xxx

P.S. Want to have a chat about how I can help you with embracing your saboteurs (imagine that!)? Let’s jump on a clarity call – you can book yours by clicking this button: