When we set end result goals and focus on them relentlessly it can feel a bit flat after achieving them. There are a couple of ways around this.
One is to set a further end result goal so that when you’ve reached the first goal and you’ve celebrated (very important!), you have something else to aim for. My end result goal might be to have a full diary of paying coaching clients. Once I have met that goal, I might decide to increase my prices and then my new end result goal is to have a full diary of clients paying the higher rate.
Process goals, however, are the key to a happy journey to the end result. My process goals for coaching (and therapy) are to practice empathy, genuineness and unconditional positive regard for every client. It gives me so much pleasure to be with them in this way. I try on what it’s like to be them and can offer my understanding from this way of being. It is just wonderful to be with people like this.
It’s the same in climbing: if I just focus on the end result of getting to the top, it’s not as fulfilling as, say, focusing on my technique whilst climbing. When I decide to pay attention to my footwork, placing each foot carefully, I arrive at the top without being attached to getting there. It’s so much more pleasurable.
Does this make sense? What’s your experience of process goals and end result goals?
Would you like to try out my coaching? I’m a Therapeutic Coach and I work with people who’d like to leave trauma triggers behind and regain their old confident self. I offer a free 30 minute consultation where we look at where you’re at now, where you’d like to be, and what you could do to get there. If it feels appropriate I can share how we could work together. You can book your free session here:
Recently I had to draw on all my self-compassion reserves and practises when I gave my lodger notice to move out and he behaved angrily towards me.
I could feel lots of child parts of me feeling hurt and that it was unfair so I was very careful to sit with them, rather than react to my lodger.
It wasn’t just child parts that were triggered – it was also parts of me from my 20s and 30s who needed to express and heal from relationships I’d ended and felt guilty about ending (as if it wasn’t my right to end them!).
I allowed it all to unfold, holding space for these parts to feel the feelings I couldn’t really feel back when they were traumatised. I also released a lot of shame and guilt that wasn’t mine, and some that was.
It was not an easy process. In fact I felt great discomfort for a number of days. Inner work is not always lovely and light. It’s also about sitting with the darkness and allowing it to be just as it is so you can feel and process and love the hurts.
I’m so grateful to my lodger for his angry reaction and the judgements he made that triggered these parts to bubble up. Whatever situations we find ourselves in are opportunities to heal and learn.
Once the processing finished I found I felt more whole, more authentic, which means I know myself more. From this space I set and maintain boundaries with greater ease. Does this make sense? Let me know in the comments :o)
I teach the techniques for this in my Sage and Saboteur Empathy Activation 3 Part Series program. It soon becomes second nature when you seize the opportunities to embrace your saboteurs (the parts of you that make you self-sabotage) and, more importantly, those hurt parts of you that need to express themselves for healing to take place.
Are you ready to be more whole, more authentic and set boundaries with greater ease? You can apply to take the Sage and Saboteur Empathy Activation program by booking your clarity call and we’ll see if it’s a good fit for you. Click the button below to apply.