A Loving Community is the Antidote to Judgemental Society

I feel my heart expanding with love when I think about Sophie, Anna, Naomi and Mama D. Sophie set up an online writing group during the first lockdown and we all met most Wednesday mornings at 10am.

I felt like it was a bit naughty meeting at that time of day (even though I’m self-employed and choose my own work hours), which I associated with ‘work time’. It’s how a lot of us were trained since the age of 5 after all – working hours are 9am til 3pm or 4pm or 5pm, depending on which school, and then job you go to.

Of course, some jobs require us to work longer or different hours (that perhaps interfere with our sleep) and a lot of them now want us to do more for less, squeezing us into a time pressure cooker. Is your pressure valve working okay?

At some point last year I stopped going to our weekly writing meets. I felt like I had to seriously show up for my business and do more than I used to do. It was actually true that I needed to show up, but what I needed to do was work smarter, not harder

…to have support from other people, tools to grow, times to create, times to plan and schedule, times to coach and facilitate, and time to play and nourish myself.

The writing group on a Wednesday morning is so nourishing. We start with a check in – each person takes 2 or 3 or 4 minutes to state where they’re at with the others listening deeply. Then we write for 20 minutes and often others’ check ins come into what we write. We read aloud what we wrote and receive loving feedback. Then we go about our day, filled up with love and care.

In this way we share our hopes, our fears, what’s shitty, what’s not and we love each other. This week I shared about my shitty situation with my landlord, who I am cutting ties with. Here’s what I wrote:

Getting away… I can now.

I could before but I didn’t.

I tolerated. Put up with.

But no more.

Getting away… a switch has flipped

And I’m angry.

I can’t unsee what I’ve seen or felt or heard.

I want respect from someone who can’t or won’t

And that uncertainty hangs heavy.

Is he deliberately manipulative?

It doesn’t matter.

My responsibility is me, and Obi,

Who I love with all my heart.

I take care of me.

I say no.

I say no more.

I make plans to live in my van again.

I think of the challenges.

The freedom.

The beauty.

The subversion.

The tweaks I can make.

The routines that soothe…

Like yoga nidra at bedtime,

Cooking simple food on one hob,

And eating from the pan.

Filling up with drinking water from garages.

Parking next to canals

and watching families of ducks swim by.

Writing by the light of my head torch,

Toasty under my duvet and blanket.

Getting dressed in bed.

Walking through Ruff Wood

As the sun rises and touches the trees

Painting them yellow briefly.

Peeing in a bucket in the middle of the night

And chucking it down a drain or on the grass.

Wondering what the local dogs’ noses will make of the information in the scent.

Waking in the middle of the night

To raindrops hammering on the roof

And sticking in earplugs that mute the rain

But isolate the beat of my heart.

It’ll be cold and contained and simple

And I’ll source so many of the ‘normal’ things externally.

Like washing my clothes in the launderette,

Washing myself in a shower on campus,

Lounging on sofas in the great hall

To watch Gilmore Girls on my laptop.

It’s exciting and scary.

And I’ll miss Obi.

But I’ll have space from feeling triggered,

Feeling small,

Questioning myself –

Giving him the benefit of the doubt when he doesn’t deserve it,

This man whose only photo on display in the lounge

Is one of himself.

That speaks volumes.

This man who on the first night invited me to chat

And spoke about himself the whole time.

It was there from the beginning

In plain sight

And I have wrestled with all my might.

But now I’m free.

When I shared what I wrote I felt heard, seen, loved and loving and that gave me strength to bear the pain of what I was going through and stay true to myself.

This kind of loving is the sense of community I intend to be in ALL The time and I’m working on that.

This kind of loving is what my clients feel when they’re working with me and it’s an antidote to the judgmental norms of the societies we live in.

This kind of the loving is how we change the world.

Read this far? Want to work with me? Let’s find out if we’re a perfect fit! Click here to book your clarity call:

Love,

Julia xxx

Why is it so easy that I am love and I share love?

This is the question I am living in the energy of after a wonderful Akashic Records reading by the gorgeously gentle Glenda Barber.

In the reading I had a vision of really connecting to source energy and opening my heart, feeling unconditional love flow through me.

I saw a giant hand, big enough for me to step onto, so I did, and sat there in the palm, feeling awe. I slowly became aware that I was being looked at with awe too.

It was such an amazing feeling. Imagine looking at a magnificent sunset – one that is so beautiful it brings you to tears – and then becoming aware that the sunset is in awe of your beauty too.

I can’t unknow this feeling. And my mission now is to infuse even more love into everything I do. I am love and I share love.

This makes it even easier to be okay when there are people who have big “shoulds” judging me. I used to crumble when people judged me. Now I recognise it as their stuff.

It still affects me. My body needs to shake off the trauma of judgement and I can soothe the child parts that need reassurance.

The more we do the inner work of expanding self-compassion, the more easily we’re able to reset ourselves when we need to. We can recognise exactly what we need to do to care for ourselves and take those actions.

Living in the energy of a question is one of those ways of expanding self-compassion… Last night when I lay down to go to sleep, I repeated, “why is it so easy that I am love and I share love?” until I fell asleep.

I don’t need to answer this question. I just need to say it with curiosity and wonder as if it is already true. My subconscious can then get to work on answering the question by making my life reflect it. It might kick up some resistance, which I can release. It gives me actions I can take.

What question would you like to live in the energy of? It has to be something wonderful that you’d love in your live and phrase it as if it’s already happened. Then say the question repeatedly as you go to sleep, and take the actions that occur to you to propel you towards it.

Let me know in the comments what your question is so I can give it some love!

I’d love to help you feel more self-love – wouldn’t that be amazing? Feeling secure and confident? Let’s have a chat about how I can help – book your clarity call – I can’t wait to listen to you!

Finding it hard at Christmas? Try sage exquisite attention

I know how hard it can be to be on your own at Christmas (I’ve been there).

I also know how hard it can be to be with others at Christmas (I’ve been there).

Paying exquisite attention to your senses and your breathing can make all of that just a little bit easier and even create amazing connections with yourself and your loved ones. Here’s how:

If you’d like some support with creating amazing connections with yourself and loved ones book your clarity with me and we’ll chat about what you want for yourself and your loved ones in 2022:

Leave me a comment below and let me know how you’re spending your December bank holidays 🙂

How mantras transformed my life!

Mantras are excellent ways of using time when you don’t need to think, like when you’re driving, walking, or washing up. You can still do these things mindfully while you say your mantra. One of the mantras I’ve been working with is this:

Infinite Spirit, open the way for my great abundance. I am an irresistible magnet for all that belongs to me by Divine Right.”

Florence Scovel Shinn

The first time I used it, I said it over one hundred times. At first it was just words. Then I noticed I began sitting up straighter. I felt more me somehow. I began using it every day. I said it whilst driving. I found I stopped getting annoyed at other drivers and enjoyed driving even more (I love driving). One day I giggled as I really began to feel into myself as a Divine Being and that there is abundance that belongs to me by Divine Right. I feel powerful in a good way when I say this mantra. 

Mantras help to retrain your brain. Imagine all that time I spent saying the mantra over and over. Now imagine I’d let my mind wander in that time instead, perhaps getting annoyed at other drivers, then replaying some times when I felt annoyed by someone else, and so on. I would have felt grumpy. Our brains do not seem to naturally think of what we want. They dwell on what we don’t want. So giving them something to focus on, like a mantra, primes them for what we want.

My mantra helped me move from a saboteur hijack that only allowed me to begin writing my book (coming soon!) one day a week for 1.5 hours to turning up every weekday for 1.5 hours. It helped me assert my boundaries without question when I needed to. It helped me tune into the sovereignty of being that each of us has by Divine Right and this allowed me to be in sage mode more often and feel more ease and flow.

What is your experience of using mantras?

I love anything that helps me, my clients and the world to be in sage mode and feel more at ease and in flow. I’m really excited to share more with you about this in the upcoming Art of Self-Compassion masterclass series. We start 29th November 2021 with the aim of expanding your self-compassion so you feel more ease and flow in your life, work and relationships. Will I see you there? Click here to register.

How climbing falls helped me feel my feet and overcome trauma

My friend, Sioban, and me at the top of a wall at The Reach, Woolwich.

About 5 years ago, I began climbing. I loved it. I’d go to the local bouldering wall and get lost in the movements and challenges of working out the routes. However, I had a couple of falls where I twisted my ankle. When I returned to climbing I felt very afraid, even on ‘easy’ routes. I used my sage to work out what had happened during those falls. There is a guideline in climbing that you need to have 3 points of contact with the wall for balance. What I noticed was when I took my attention from my feet to my hands, the contact between my feet and the holds was loose. That was why I had slipped. I couldn’t feel my feet.

I wondered about not being able to feel my feet. When walking I often stumbled or stamped. It occurred to me that it was a trauma symptom and stemmed from not being in my body. I designed some experiments. The first was a walking activity. When walking I would focus on feeling my feet. It was hard at first because I was still stumbling and stamping. I felt embarrassed. But when my sage was ‘online’ I could just notice what it was like rather than judge it. I began to notice little sensations in my feet – how they felt inside my shoes and as my shoes made contact with the ground I didn’t need to stamp any more. 

Another experiment was to climb the easiest routes available and pay attention to feeling sensations in my feet as I climbed up and down. I would do each route 4 times, just focusing on my feet. Gradually, I began to trust my feet to hold me, even when I was looking at my hands. I didn’t have to use so much energy to keep paying attention to my feet whilst looking elsewhere. I could pay attention to both my feet and my hands. 

I began to experiment with other areas of my body. I wasn’t aware of my glutes at all. So I began paying attention to that part of me whilst walking and climbing, and even whilst rising from a chair. I felt such joy at feeling these sensations in my body. My body – I felt like I owned my body at long last! I resided in it, it was mine, and I loved it!

Embodiment is just one aspect of being in sage and I’m covering so much more in the upcoming 5 day free masterclass in The Art of Self-Compassion. Join us to expand your ease and flow and have better relationships with yourself and everyone else! Click here to register.