Our inner saboteurs are linked to survival so we can use what’s happening in our bodies to recognise when they’ve hijacked us and make a change to stop them and be present to ourselves and our surroundings.
I’ve got a 2 step process for you:
Recognise it’s happening. Whatever your usual ways of self-sabotage are, they all share something in common: they affect our bodies. They send us into fight, flight, fawn or freeze, which affects heart rate, adrenalin production, voice tone, and facial expressions.
If your heart is racing, you have a dry mouth, and you’re agitated, or your heart rate is slow, you feel numb and your voice is flat, your inner saboteurs have put you into survival mode.
Focus on your breath or one of your senses for at least 2 minutes. As you mindfully pay attention to your breath or a sense without judging, it brings your prefrontal cortex online, which means it’s easier for you to come out of survival mode and begin to be more present to yourself and your surroundings.
This is a quick fix to get you out of survival mode. The long term solution is healing your saboteurs by softening your relationship with them and the disowned parts of you they hide – self-compassion all the way! If you’d like help with this, reach out to me for your free 30 minute consultation. You’ll get some great insights and tips at the very least!
When there are parts of us stopping us from sleeping it can feel annoying, frustrating and pressure can build up, making it even more difficult to get to sleep.
…I’ve been there – frustrated at the restless legs (that’s a Restless saboteur).
… or annoyed at the listening for strange sounds (that’s a Hyper Vigilant saboteur)…
… or the thinking about how affected I’ll be in tomorrow’s tasks if I don’t sleep now (that’s a Controller saboteur).
The saboteurs need love and to be listened to. They are stuck in the past and need reassurance that this situation is different to back then (if it is. If the situation isn’t different then their worries are reasonable).
In this video I share what’s what it’s like to listen to their needs, take action to meet them and the sense of wholeness that comes from being a ‘good enough parent’ to them (and you get a little peek inside my van!):
Leave me a comment below to let me know how you communicate with your parts :o)
Recently I had to draw on all my self-compassion reserves and practises when I gave my lodger notice to move out and he behaved angrily towards me.
I could feel lots of child parts of me feeling hurt and that it was unfair so I was very careful to sit with them, rather than react to my lodger.
It wasn’t just child parts that were triggered – it was also parts of me from my 20s and 30s who needed to express and heal from relationships I’d ended and felt guilty about ending (as if it wasn’t my right to end them!).
I allowed it all to unfold, holding space for these parts to feel the feelings I couldn’t really feel back when they were traumatised. I also released a lot of shame and guilt that wasn’t mine, and some that was.
It was not an easy process. In fact I felt great discomfort for a number of days. Inner work is not always lovely and light. It’s also about sitting with the darkness and allowing it to be just as it is so you can feel and process and love the hurts.
I’m so grateful to my lodger for his angry reaction and the judgements he made that triggered these parts to bubble up. Whatever situations we find ourselves in are opportunities to heal and learn.
Once the processing finished I found I felt more whole, more authentic, which means I know myself more. From this space I set and maintain boundaries with greater ease. Does this make sense? Let me know in the comments :o)
I teach the techniques for this in my Sage and Saboteur Empathy Activation 3 Part Series program. It soon becomes second nature when you seize the opportunities to embrace your saboteurs (the parts of you that make you self-sabotage) and, more importantly, those hurt parts of you that need to express themselves for healing to take place.
Are you ready to be more whole, more authentic and set boundaries with greater ease? You can apply to take the Sage and Saboteur Empathy Activation program by booking your clarity call and we’ll see if it’s a good fit for you. Click the button below to apply.